When Boundaries at Work Backfire: A Story of Burnout and Clarity

Let me tell you about the time I thought I was setting a boundary—but really, I was having a leadership breakdown.

I was a new people leader, teetering on the edge of burnout. I was officially leading one team while acting as supervisor of another. My calendar was packed, my inbox overflowing, and I didn’t even know what a deep breath was.

Finally, I called a joint meeting with both teams. I sat at the head of the table and said:

“Stop expecting me to respond to your requests the same day you send them.”

I was proud of myself. I had hit my limit and said so out loud. I believed I was drawing a line and demanding respect for it. I didn’t have the language for it at the time, but I  thought I was setting a boundary.

Decades later, hindsight helps me see it differently. With gentleness and a bit of a laugh, I can now see:

• I didn’t know what I needed. I only knew what I didn’t want.

• I was overwhelmed and blaming others for my stress.

• I had unknowingly built a culture where I was the fixer, the one with all the answers.

• I agreed to work 48+ hours a week and then resented leadership for letting me.

• I believed hustle was synonymous with worth. I wore my overextension like a badge of honor.

The organization rewarded that behavior—and internalized it.

The Reality About Boundaries

Sometimes we try to set boundaries in the heat of the moment, from fear, anxiety, or frustration. But those moments are often signals that something deeper needs our attention.

Through experience (and some hard lessons), I’ve learned this:

Boundaries aren’t demands we place on others. They are agreements we make with ourselves first.

They mark where our responsibilities end and others’ begin. And the healthiest boundaries come from self-awareness and clarity, not crisis.

To set resonant, suitable boundaries, first, I need to get clear on:

• My values

• My work style and preferences

• My strengths and capacity

That clarity gives me the confidence to communicate what’s okay and what’s not okay with me, and to hold myself accountable to those lines.

If You’re Feeling the Pressure

If you’re at a breaking point, wanting to scream at your inbox or the people behind it, it may be time to ask:

• What is this feeling (anger, overwhelm, guilt) trying to tell me?

• Which of my values are being challenged here?

• What do I need right now?

• How do I want to renegotiate my relationship with this person/situation/system?

• If I weren’t afraid of disappointing others, what would I say?

These questions are a way back to yourself. Because boundaries, at their core, area bout self-respect.

And that kind of leadership, of yourself and others, starts there.